The seeing and heartiness of heated drivers

The biggest failure in life is not the finer details of a failed assignment or to endure the grinding toil of waiting for a better things to happen or fronting an appearance all is well because I smile on cue. The greatest enemy is when I don't care anymore about being someone worth listening to and I let my autism entice me into familiar but dreaded isolation and into the world of repeats of old movie lines that makes me feel in control.

I am not a nervous bag of everything my body dictates my slow movements, my inaccurate movement, my great chins of centres on nothing useful nothing productive nothing nothing nothing except the repeats of movie lines looping. I am the thief of my time and at the whim of the touch that sets my body and brain in synch and I am for a generous but fleeting moment free to let my real thoughts trickle out one letter at a time. The jealous side of me rises when I can hear people write and speak so freely so wastefully and so quickly. Everything if I could give and more to type and speak my mind anytime I chose to and not be dependent on someone to help me. I am desolate without Mia and Matt and it frightens me that I can lose my voice and disappear into insanity inducing loneliness and despairing blackness.

It is going to be hard and journey requires friends. I find this so hard. Lip service acquaintances who ask me how I am but don't stick around to know how I really a m frustrates me yet it is often this or nothing at all. I don't think people really want to know because they wouldn't know what to say or how to continue waiting for me to type.

Why do people just want to have good fast entertaining chats and not be accommodating? I am thankful for the rare gems who do want to be a true friend. I hope this dreadfully sad post can identify with a person who like me drives with an unreliable automobile of a body but still wants to reach their destination with some true friends.

[Typing time: 57mins]

The fundamental greatness of very laborious work

Big goals require sacrifice. To say yes to the pursuit of journalism has meant no to other things. Sadly this has meant the neglect of the blog. Fast moving lives and assignment deadlines meant  forgoing time to reflect, exercise the dreamer side and type for sake of enjoyment. It has been a steep thrilling learning curve starting uni this year and not letting my autism be a bugbear. I am proud to say that I am battling through the head scratching mire of research and essays without asking for extensions. 

My greatest thank you to my tireless ingenious dedicated team who support me. You are my heroes. You enable me to be the bold one eyed pirate, to sail to uncharted waters and fight for freedom of speech (in whatever form) and to defend those who have yet to find their voice.  

I am not alone or a rare anomaly. Fight, my friends and the day will come where people who are voiceless will roar in their styles and will be heard loud and clear.

[typing time: 29min]

Leeches and cloaks

You have no idea what it is like to be me. But that is ok because I don't know what it is like to be you. I can hazard an educated guess that if you are reading this you are either like me but yet not exactly like me or you are different, completely and profoundly different and you really are trying to understand what it is like to have autism woven into your DNA and cloak you in its deception that isolation is bliss and silence is golden. Hope the future is not bleak,  monotonous and hopeless. Sad to be trapped and endurance with optimism is sometimes draining and I wonder how life will unravel like wool from a yarn. Nobody likes sadness or hearing about it. It can be more deadly than knife stabbings. It is like  thousand leeches all over you until all the blood is drained out. Nobody wants to be near you in case you throw the leeches at them as you try to tear them off your skin. You want to scream, to punch and run but you are trapped by a body that does not care that you are fighting for your life.  Autism attracts ravenous leeches. Anyone offering salt?

Spacious Rumblings

Blog time is spacious time. The journey of writing and flexing of hounding muscles and sheer willpower in the maze of academic rigour has been consuming all energy. Yes blogging is a space where I can cast off all restraint and just let my finger waffle on.

Happy goes a soul who is content in who they are in what they have. You may find it hard to settle in rhythm of cushioned peace in the din of chaos while nutting out the world's problems. Crazier things could collide like obsessive straightening of runaway threads on well loved clothes, gawking by unkindly teenagers and the realisation that there are many annoying things one cannot change.

Things that could make things easier to bear are the murmurs of melodic hope and inspiration rippling austerity. A reflection on how far you have come can spur oneself to continue to the next goal how ever impossible it may be.

From the pirate of thoughtful rumblings and funny snapshots,
The bold one-eyed pirate.

[Typing time: 32mins]

The giants and walls.

I know it sure has been a very long time since I have posted anything here. Life gets cluttered with other pressing issues like finishing year twelve, starting university after much frantic hurrying, fighting and persuading. It has been a battle fighting for the support I need to achieve my dream of becoming a journalist and being just a normal uni student in every sense.

It has been a time of tumultuous change and challenges which appeared before my face like giant walls where the only way to destroy them is to chip away at their foundations of disbelief, bureaucracy and maddening stereotypes one brick at a time.

It has been only with the life sustaining friendships and pockets of laughter and silliness could I continue battling the giants of hopelessness and inferiority. We are just one voice of many but although we may not be the loudest, fastest or wittiest we will be the most persistent.

Winds of acrobatic positive change needs to be allowed to blow through the windows of boastfulness of old-fashioned academic elitism and disempowering ideals. I can only let opposition strengthen my resolve to make a stand against insidious cousins of the great assumption of guilty until proven innocent - disempowerment, disbelief and  absurdly biased reporting.

Yes the time has come for us non lip speakers to unite. Here's my personal invitation to you.

Cheers,
The bold one-eyed pirate.

[Typing time: 42 minutes]

Ahoy my fellow shipmates, 

The bold one-eyed pirate finally gets aboard the blogging ship after mingling with some landlubbers onshore. Or if I can be terribly honest, the winds of time and energy have not been blowing my way. 

Just got back from Cairns and has been such an intense experience I am still digesting the fact that I have met many kind faces and got the chance to present as a keynote speaker before 550 people. 

Joy springs in my heart at the memories. For it has been an honour to be seen and heard. I pray that the words spoken will be heard with the mind and the heart. New beginnings beckon fresh hope and optimism. The sails are billowing. 

Get aboard, me hearties. 

Cheers, 

Josh.

[Typing time: 36 mins]

Eating Agony

Yes I know my eating habits are annoying frustrating and can make everybody ignite like matches in anger. I know I am struggling in my hygiene and my ability to not eat like a chubby baby.

Mealtimes are stressful dynamites and countdown timers on bad days. And somewhat enjoyable in company of friends.

Got to hope Dr Gary Deed lives up to expectations in solving my messy body and believe that I do actually understand everything that he will say. Wish me luck.

[20mins.]